Were We Ever Not Accusers?
I remember in college when I became involved with the guy who would strip everything away from me, so much so that I was desperately working with our legal department on campus in hopes of getting a restraining order. Despite the fact that months and months after we broke up he was constantly harassing me, endless text messages, phone calls, etc. and even showing up at places like my work, as well as threatening me, I was told that “you can’t get a restraining order because he hasn’t hit you yet.” My reaction was that the whole reason I was trying to get one was so that it wouldn’t get to that point. This would later become almost comical as I ended up on the phone to a 911 operator trying to desperately get a police officer to come to my house after one of the my friends abusive ex boyfriends had followed her to my house. It turns out he had been waiting outside of her house for her, when he saw her get into our friend’s car who happened to be a guy. Her abusive ex practically ran them off the road, as my friend who was driving tried to run every red light in hopes that a police officer would spot them and pull them over, they than called me and told me someone was following them and I needed to call the police. I did, and by the time they got to my house, he was still on their heels. He than jumped out of the car and was screaming at her, while she was hiding inside of the car. I guess he was jealous of the boy who was driving her, our male friend who happens to be gay. Ironically, she would also tell me that she had tried to get a restraining order against him but was told the same thing as I was.
I started to wonder why we even have these laws if they aren’t actually going to protect us. I began to tell my family that if you don’t hear from me after a few days call the police because that means he has done something to me. There was one night in particular in which I accidentally ran into him at a club. He immediately got right up in my face, threatening me and basically accusing me of cheating on him. Keep in mind we had been broken up for months by that point, and I hadn’t even seen him throughout that time, despite the constant harrassment. I’m still surprised he didn’t hit me that night, but I guess than I would’ve actually gotten my restraining order.
I’m well aware that a restraining order won’t stop erratic abusive behavior, but it certainly would’ve given me more legal power, as well as allowed me to work with the police, in hopes it would send him a very clear message that this was done and he needed to back off. I can certainly say though that both of mine and my friend’s non-existent restraining orders definitely didn’t do anything to protect either of us or persuade them to stop being insane.
Maybe the saddest part about all of this, is that in addition to being victims our integrity was completely questioned. We were seen as crazy emotional girls with no rationale behind why we were scared and for some reason these same people who weren’t taking this seriously, would’ve than been surprised when they found me dead. I’m not sure what the point is of having these laws if they aren’t going to help women, or will almost be used against us. Its kind of like saying we will play along with your little women’s rights game, but than we’ll make sure we still have the upper hand, just to let you know that you actually are not important. I’m not advocating getting rid of the laws by any means, I think it shows that we need more laws and more preventive action to teach men that this isn’t acceptable and get them help before they end up becoming abusive assholes.
I started to wonder why we even have these laws if they aren’t actually going to protect us. I began to tell my family that if you don’t hear from me after a few days call the police because that means he has done something to me. There was one night in particular in which I accidentally ran into him at a club. He immediately got right up in my face, threatening me and basically accusing me of cheating on him. Keep in mind we had been broken up for months by that point, and I hadn’t even seen him throughout that time, despite the constant harrassment. I’m still surprised he didn’t hit me that night, but I guess than I would’ve actually gotten my restraining order.
I’m well aware that a restraining order won’t stop erratic abusive behavior, but it certainly would’ve given me more legal power, as well as allowed me to work with the police, in hopes it would send him a very clear message that this was done and he needed to back off. I can certainly say though that both of mine and my friend’s non-existent restraining orders definitely didn’t do anything to protect either of us or persuade them to stop being insane.
Maybe the saddest part about all of this, is that in addition to being victims our integrity was completely questioned. We were seen as crazy emotional girls with no rationale behind why we were scared and for some reason these same people who weren’t taking this seriously, would’ve than been surprised when they found me dead. I’m not sure what the point is of having these laws if they aren’t going to help women, or will almost be used against us. Its kind of like saying we will play along with your little women’s rights game, but than we’ll make sure we still have the upper hand, just to let you know that you actually are not important. I’m not advocating getting rid of the laws by any means, I think it shows that we need more laws and more preventive action to teach men that this isn’t acceptable and get them help before they end up becoming abusive assholes.
