On Women and Race
Right after I had moved to San Diego for college, my high school boyfriend whom I was still sort of seeing came to visit me. We decided to go to a restaurant close by to grab some lunch, we had gotten a late start so by the time we arrived at the restaurant it was around 3pm. The two young white women who were working as hostesses sat us at a table that was in the middle of the completely empty restaurant. As we looked through the menu and began deciding what we would get, I noticed that these girls were staring at us. The longer we were there, the more blantant the dirty looks became and the more forward they were at just staring at us, pointing, laughing and talking about us. It even got to the point in which my boyfriend started to notice, keeping in mind that guys are usually kind of oblivious to things so for him to notice it must’ve been really bad.
They were treating us this way because my boyfriend was white and I am a racially mixed woman, who very much looks like one. This was obviously not okay with these women, that I was supposedly stealing one of their men, nor that I, as a minority should be treated with equal respect. The irony is that I am part white so I’m techncially not stealing anyone’s man.
My boyfriend was completely confused by the situation. He knew they were judging us, but he didn’t understand why until I explained it to him afterwards. I think a lot of it is that we grew up in probably the most progressive part of the country and of course we had never experienced anything like that whenever we went out back home. No one treated us differently because we were a mixed couple probably because a lot of people in this area are mixed couples, and it was also very rare for me to be treated differently back home. I never really experienced racism, and certainly not to the degree in which it was affecting my everyday life, up until I moved to San Diego, and than I was just bombarded by it. They REALLY don’t like Mexicans.
I still think the first moment when all of this hit me that I was different from everyone else was somewhere in elementary school. Prior to that I had been well aware that my mom and dad looked very differently from each other, and that my darker skin was “bad.” That I should look like Barbie, because that was what was “good”. However, I think it all really hit me when I was forced to take those standardized tests in school. I would come home crying and than spend the rest of the night in my room crying, because there was no box for me to check under race. Seeing that I wasn’t white, nor was I Hispanic nor was I Native American, I was all of them. The only option was a small tiny box underneath all the rest that said “other”. Even writing that statement makes me angry, no child should ever be labeled as "other". In spite of it all, and because I’m a badass, I would check every single box that applied to me. My way of telling the person who wrote, only check one box/you can only be one race (at the top of the race section), as well as telling everyone else on this planet to “go fuck themselves.” I don’t fit into a box, I’m not going anywhere and you’re going to have to change to accommodate me, not the other way around.
Its things like this that make children who are biracial or multiracial be put into such a strange place in our society, because you don’t fit into any one group. Unfortunately, none of the groups accept you, because you’re not white enough for the white kids, nor are you ethnic enough for the non-white kids. Both groups see you as a huge threat to the status quo of race. If we all got along and all mixed together, then we would have no race and we could all move past this. The problem is that the non-white groups see this as just as much of a threat to their own personal identity as the white groups do. Basically, no one wants to be your friend ☹
I do think everyone at some point in their life should date someone outside of their race. I think it would help people understand each other better. In my personal case, there isn’t anyone in my race, so no matter whom I date I am dating outside of it. I think because my family is so racially, ethnically and religiously mixed I’ve grown up with a very unique perspective on all of this. I really don’t see any of that when I meet someone new, and I also can relate to how every group is feeling because I’ve experienced it. I’ve also grown up as an outsider because there are very few people who are also racially mixed and can understand what its like to be in a position in which you have no identity in our race divided culture.
However, this has caused problems when I date, mostly because I do seem to like to date white men who can’t really understand my experience, although I’ve also dated men of a variety of races. I think a lot of it is because I would like to be a straight white man, so if I can’t be that I might as well date one! It is though very difficult for them to understand what its like to experience sexism and racism because they really haven’t. It always feels like its this giant gap between us, in which they can’t empathize with what I’ve gone through, nor can they understand the discrimination we could possibly face as a couple or the future racism that our children would face especially if those children came out looking like me.
This isn’t to say though that you should only date people of your same race. You can’t control who you love, nor should you be allowed to, but I do think we all need to work together to create an environment in which no one faces racial discrimination and that is more accepting not only to minorities but to interracial couples and their racially mixed children. I do think there has been progress since I was a little girl, at that time and honestly up until a few years ago you never saw racially mixed couples anywhere on tv or in the media, now that is FINALLY changing. And as someone who plans to go back into that industry I look forward to changing a lot of this stuff and doing my best to bridge the gap between all these different groups. Wouldn’t it be great if we could all just be people?
They were treating us this way because my boyfriend was white and I am a racially mixed woman, who very much looks like one. This was obviously not okay with these women, that I was supposedly stealing one of their men, nor that I, as a minority should be treated with equal respect. The irony is that I am part white so I’m techncially not stealing anyone’s man.
My boyfriend was completely confused by the situation. He knew they were judging us, but he didn’t understand why until I explained it to him afterwards. I think a lot of it is that we grew up in probably the most progressive part of the country and of course we had never experienced anything like that whenever we went out back home. No one treated us differently because we were a mixed couple probably because a lot of people in this area are mixed couples, and it was also very rare for me to be treated differently back home. I never really experienced racism, and certainly not to the degree in which it was affecting my everyday life, up until I moved to San Diego, and than I was just bombarded by it. They REALLY don’t like Mexicans.
I still think the first moment when all of this hit me that I was different from everyone else was somewhere in elementary school. Prior to that I had been well aware that my mom and dad looked very differently from each other, and that my darker skin was “bad.” That I should look like Barbie, because that was what was “good”. However, I think it all really hit me when I was forced to take those standardized tests in school. I would come home crying and than spend the rest of the night in my room crying, because there was no box for me to check under race. Seeing that I wasn’t white, nor was I Hispanic nor was I Native American, I was all of them. The only option was a small tiny box underneath all the rest that said “other”. Even writing that statement makes me angry, no child should ever be labeled as "other". In spite of it all, and because I’m a badass, I would check every single box that applied to me. My way of telling the person who wrote, only check one box/you can only be one race (at the top of the race section), as well as telling everyone else on this planet to “go fuck themselves.” I don’t fit into a box, I’m not going anywhere and you’re going to have to change to accommodate me, not the other way around.
Its things like this that make children who are biracial or multiracial be put into such a strange place in our society, because you don’t fit into any one group. Unfortunately, none of the groups accept you, because you’re not white enough for the white kids, nor are you ethnic enough for the non-white kids. Both groups see you as a huge threat to the status quo of race. If we all got along and all mixed together, then we would have no race and we could all move past this. The problem is that the non-white groups see this as just as much of a threat to their own personal identity as the white groups do. Basically, no one wants to be your friend ☹
I do think everyone at some point in their life should date someone outside of their race. I think it would help people understand each other better. In my personal case, there isn’t anyone in my race, so no matter whom I date I am dating outside of it. I think because my family is so racially, ethnically and religiously mixed I’ve grown up with a very unique perspective on all of this. I really don’t see any of that when I meet someone new, and I also can relate to how every group is feeling because I’ve experienced it. I’ve also grown up as an outsider because there are very few people who are also racially mixed and can understand what its like to be in a position in which you have no identity in our race divided culture.
However, this has caused problems when I date, mostly because I do seem to like to date white men who can’t really understand my experience, although I’ve also dated men of a variety of races. I think a lot of it is because I would like to be a straight white man, so if I can’t be that I might as well date one! It is though very difficult for them to understand what its like to experience sexism and racism because they really haven’t. It always feels like its this giant gap between us, in which they can’t empathize with what I’ve gone through, nor can they understand the discrimination we could possibly face as a couple or the future racism that our children would face especially if those children came out looking like me.
This isn’t to say though that you should only date people of your same race. You can’t control who you love, nor should you be allowed to, but I do think we all need to work together to create an environment in which no one faces racial discrimination and that is more accepting not only to minorities but to interracial couples and their racially mixed children. I do think there has been progress since I was a little girl, at that time and honestly up until a few years ago you never saw racially mixed couples anywhere on tv or in the media, now that is FINALLY changing. And as someone who plans to go back into that industry I look forward to changing a lot of this stuff and doing my best to bridge the gap between all these different groups. Wouldn’t it be great if we could all just be people?
