No Hero In Her Sky
Is it possible for me to be genuine with myself, interact with the male race and not just have pure hatrid towards them? Its the question I've been struggling with a lot lately. I think a lot of my male interactions have been fake, I guess aside from those with gay men, whom seem to be the only group of men that I've found have valued and respected women, including myself. It seems like all the interactions with my straight male counterparts to some degree have been fake.
Why fake? I think its the only way I can have any sort of interactions with men, without me just wanting to tear them to pieces. Because at the base of it, what I feel when I see men is hatrid, disgust and quite frankly revulsion. I hate everything that the super macho male energy represents. I hate that its the reason that rape and other forms of violence against women exist in the first place. I hate that they don't have to ever worry about this stuff, and I hate that they don't even care enough to worry about how it affects women. I hate that everytime any of us as women stand up and fight to make the world better for ourselves or each other, that this super masculine energy comes down on us and only inflicts further pain amongst the women on this planet. I hate that men would rather hold onto this energy, and what they percieve as power, rather than take a step back and allow women to lead for a while.
I mostly hate that my life has been filled with disapointment after disapointment when it comes to the male race. I wonder if I will ever be able to have any sort of normal, loving relationship with a man who values me, mostly because I feel there will always be this hatrid towards him and what he represents just by having a penis. I think the only way I could see myself in a loving fulfilled relationship in that context is if women were equal everywhere in the world and violence against women were obselete.
Given that we live in a society that seems to think Charlie Sheen and Chris Brown are cute, coy heros, I would say we are a long way from anyone even taking this issue of violence against women seriously. They are not cute or coy rather they are overgrown pathetic losers, who should've been taken out to a field and shot the second they laid their hands on a woman. Its not like there isn't a plethora of men on this planet, if you don't want to value women, you can be replaced.
Maybe its not even with me, but with all women. I mean how many of us, don't just freak out and yell at our boyfriends/husbands out of irriation. Is the problem really that he forgot to tivo your favorite show? No the problem is that we turn on our tv, and we see a woman in Libya who's been gang-raped, only to be followed by the story of an 11-year old girl in Texas who too has been gang-raped, followed by another 11-year old girl in California who has also been gang-raped. This has just been in the last month. Than we watch as the media storms hits all of whom blame the victim for what happened to her. Not one of who stands up and angrily declares "The reason rape exists, is because men are allowed to be rapists. When will men be held accountable for the evil actions that some of them have chosen to do? When will all the other supposedly "nice guys' stand up and declare an end to this, and demand that they as men will not tolerate living in a world in which women are treated so horribly." We don't hear this, instead we get the same message we've gotten our whole lives, you as a woman are not important or valued, you are completely disposable and any violence that you've gone through in your life is because of you. If only you had been born as a boy, this most likely would've never happened to you.
Maybe part of its denial, both on the part of us as women, the truth in fact is almost too horrifying and terrible to even entertain, especially for women, because its not only at the base of everything we fear, I think we're also scared that if we stand up and fight not only will every man turn against us, but we won't ever find "true love". On the part of men, at least in America, men like to believe this is a problem that only happens overseas, which I believe is their way of making sure they never have to actually take personal responsibility for their actions. I heard a story not too long ago about a young girl in Yemen who was probably about 12 (if even that) and had been forced to marry a man in his late 20s. On their "wedding night" he tied her to the bed and repeatedly raped her, she ended up bleeding to death. Around that same time I came across a story of a a girl around the same age except in this country, who was part of one of the polygamist cults. She too had been repeatedly raped on her "wedding night" by the adult male that she had been forced to marry. She too bleed to death. I don't even know either of their names. Neither one made the national news. The only reason I found out about it is because of the massive amount of women's rights work that I do. Even if women don't hear about every story thats about violence towards women, which quite frankly given that 3 women in America are murdered everyday by their boyfriends or husbands, and at least 500 women are sexually assaulted or raped everyday in this country, it would be virtually impossible to bring light to every issue of violence that is directed towards us just on a daily basis and just in this country alone.
That doesn't mean it doesn't exist though. Just being born as a girl we are well aware of this from the time we are little, and even if we don't watch the news it doesn't change the fact that we're well aware that this exists, that we have to look multiple times over our shoulders as we scan the parking garage making sure no man is about to jump out and hurt us. We constantly live this, and I would say its the real reasons relationships don't work out. I personally don't know how even if I was with the most amazing supportive man on this planet I could have a healthy relationship all the while I'm spending all my free time fighting as my reproductive rights are being taken away, and I'm not getting paid the same as him. Even if we both wanted to have a baby, at the end of the day he is not the one who is going to die because he won't have access to a life-saving abortion. I'm the one who will, and so far I haven't heard of one man lining up to say that if you do this to women, than you need to do it to the man who donated sperm. If the mother is left to die, the father must be sentenced to a similar fate. Yet, I do hear and am constantly around man after man who thinks he has every right to tell me what I can and can't do with my body.
If you won't give us equality than we sure as hell can direct all the violence, abuse that we face towards you as well. Maybe we will just stoop to your level. Thats not what I want, but personally I don't see any other choice. I don't know what the solution is to ending violence against women. I know that as women we should continue fighting. Personally, any attempts I've had to engage men in how this behavior can be ended have gone nowhere, only resulted in blaming women. I do happen to know some wonderful men in my life, but the only thing they've taught me is that its completely possible to be a man and to respect, value, and honor women. Which leads me to the conclusion that the only reason violence against women exists is because men choose to be abusers and all the other men on this planet allow them to be. The few men that do stand up and try to help women in this country and around the world are normally murdered or abused as well, which might be part of the reason more men who want to help women don't, because they are scared. Well, I say I won't be scared if you won't.
As far as my own personal dating life and experience with men will yet to be seen. Even though I think this could be a the crux of why most relationships between men and women don't work out. How can you love each other and form an equal partnership, if one member of the partnership is inherently unequal in every other aspect of her life, her society and the world at large? The fact that the other member of the relationship will probably never understand that inequailty, only causes further frustration and a further divide. I don't expect men to understand exactly what its like to be a woman, but I do expect you to try. I expect you to than ask "what can I do to help? how can I change things? what do you need from me? While in the meantime understanding that she deals with this whole entire set of issues everyday that you will never experience, and your job is to not only help fight for her and all women, but to come from a place of love and compassion. Don't be angry at her for getting mad at you, be angry at the patriarchary, be angry at the government for allowing viagra to be covered by insurance, while birth control pills aren't, be angry at all the men everywhere in this world for hurt women, and be angry at all the injustices she faces on a daily basis because of her sex. But don't be mad at her, its not her fault, and if you direct your anger at the correct places, the ones who are holding her down as well instead of at her, you will in turn separate yourself from the ones abusing her and all the other men condoning it, and it will help move the fault away from you. In turn it will show her as woman, as well as all the women around her that you are actually on our team: Team Women. That you will stand next to us and fight alongside of us, instead of fighting against us or idly standing on the sideline being a passive observer and thus being part of the problem, not to mention getting in our way. Right now I feel personally attacked by every man on this planet, and I don't know who is my enemy and who will fight for me when the chips are down, which is sure as hell where the chips are currently at. I only see a few men standing up and until theres more I feel pretty confident saying that everyone else is my enemy.
I guess in the meantime I'm left to wonder where this leaves me in terms of my current and future relationships with men, and is it possible to have a healthy supportive functioning relationship when there is such a great imbalance of power? As of now, I currently think it isn't. We, both men and women, need to get to the route of the problem. I know women will fight for equality, but will men fight for women's equality?
Why fake? I think its the only way I can have any sort of interactions with men, without me just wanting to tear them to pieces. Because at the base of it, what I feel when I see men is hatrid, disgust and quite frankly revulsion. I hate everything that the super macho male energy represents. I hate that its the reason that rape and other forms of violence against women exist in the first place. I hate that they don't have to ever worry about this stuff, and I hate that they don't even care enough to worry about how it affects women. I hate that everytime any of us as women stand up and fight to make the world better for ourselves or each other, that this super masculine energy comes down on us and only inflicts further pain amongst the women on this planet. I hate that men would rather hold onto this energy, and what they percieve as power, rather than take a step back and allow women to lead for a while.
I mostly hate that my life has been filled with disapointment after disapointment when it comes to the male race. I wonder if I will ever be able to have any sort of normal, loving relationship with a man who values me, mostly because I feel there will always be this hatrid towards him and what he represents just by having a penis. I think the only way I could see myself in a loving fulfilled relationship in that context is if women were equal everywhere in the world and violence against women were obselete.
Given that we live in a society that seems to think Charlie Sheen and Chris Brown are cute, coy heros, I would say we are a long way from anyone even taking this issue of violence against women seriously. They are not cute or coy rather they are overgrown pathetic losers, who should've been taken out to a field and shot the second they laid their hands on a woman. Its not like there isn't a plethora of men on this planet, if you don't want to value women, you can be replaced.
Maybe its not even with me, but with all women. I mean how many of us, don't just freak out and yell at our boyfriends/husbands out of irriation. Is the problem really that he forgot to tivo your favorite show? No the problem is that we turn on our tv, and we see a woman in Libya who's been gang-raped, only to be followed by the story of an 11-year old girl in Texas who too has been gang-raped, followed by another 11-year old girl in California who has also been gang-raped. This has just been in the last month. Than we watch as the media storms hits all of whom blame the victim for what happened to her. Not one of who stands up and angrily declares "The reason rape exists, is because men are allowed to be rapists. When will men be held accountable for the evil actions that some of them have chosen to do? When will all the other supposedly "nice guys' stand up and declare an end to this, and demand that they as men will not tolerate living in a world in which women are treated so horribly." We don't hear this, instead we get the same message we've gotten our whole lives, you as a woman are not important or valued, you are completely disposable and any violence that you've gone through in your life is because of you. If only you had been born as a boy, this most likely would've never happened to you.
Maybe part of its denial, both on the part of us as women, the truth in fact is almost too horrifying and terrible to even entertain, especially for women, because its not only at the base of everything we fear, I think we're also scared that if we stand up and fight not only will every man turn against us, but we won't ever find "true love". On the part of men, at least in America, men like to believe this is a problem that only happens overseas, which I believe is their way of making sure they never have to actually take personal responsibility for their actions. I heard a story not too long ago about a young girl in Yemen who was probably about 12 (if even that) and had been forced to marry a man in his late 20s. On their "wedding night" he tied her to the bed and repeatedly raped her, she ended up bleeding to death. Around that same time I came across a story of a a girl around the same age except in this country, who was part of one of the polygamist cults. She too had been repeatedly raped on her "wedding night" by the adult male that she had been forced to marry. She too bleed to death. I don't even know either of their names. Neither one made the national news. The only reason I found out about it is because of the massive amount of women's rights work that I do. Even if women don't hear about every story thats about violence towards women, which quite frankly given that 3 women in America are murdered everyday by their boyfriends or husbands, and at least 500 women are sexually assaulted or raped everyday in this country, it would be virtually impossible to bring light to every issue of violence that is directed towards us just on a daily basis and just in this country alone.
That doesn't mean it doesn't exist though. Just being born as a girl we are well aware of this from the time we are little, and even if we don't watch the news it doesn't change the fact that we're well aware that this exists, that we have to look multiple times over our shoulders as we scan the parking garage making sure no man is about to jump out and hurt us. We constantly live this, and I would say its the real reasons relationships don't work out. I personally don't know how even if I was with the most amazing supportive man on this planet I could have a healthy relationship all the while I'm spending all my free time fighting as my reproductive rights are being taken away, and I'm not getting paid the same as him. Even if we both wanted to have a baby, at the end of the day he is not the one who is going to die because he won't have access to a life-saving abortion. I'm the one who will, and so far I haven't heard of one man lining up to say that if you do this to women, than you need to do it to the man who donated sperm. If the mother is left to die, the father must be sentenced to a similar fate. Yet, I do hear and am constantly around man after man who thinks he has every right to tell me what I can and can't do with my body.
If you won't give us equality than we sure as hell can direct all the violence, abuse that we face towards you as well. Maybe we will just stoop to your level. Thats not what I want, but personally I don't see any other choice. I don't know what the solution is to ending violence against women. I know that as women we should continue fighting. Personally, any attempts I've had to engage men in how this behavior can be ended have gone nowhere, only resulted in blaming women. I do happen to know some wonderful men in my life, but the only thing they've taught me is that its completely possible to be a man and to respect, value, and honor women. Which leads me to the conclusion that the only reason violence against women exists is because men choose to be abusers and all the other men on this planet allow them to be. The few men that do stand up and try to help women in this country and around the world are normally murdered or abused as well, which might be part of the reason more men who want to help women don't, because they are scared. Well, I say I won't be scared if you won't.
As far as my own personal dating life and experience with men will yet to be seen. Even though I think this could be a the crux of why most relationships between men and women don't work out. How can you love each other and form an equal partnership, if one member of the partnership is inherently unequal in every other aspect of her life, her society and the world at large? The fact that the other member of the relationship will probably never understand that inequailty, only causes further frustration and a further divide. I don't expect men to understand exactly what its like to be a woman, but I do expect you to try. I expect you to than ask "what can I do to help? how can I change things? what do you need from me? While in the meantime understanding that she deals with this whole entire set of issues everyday that you will never experience, and your job is to not only help fight for her and all women, but to come from a place of love and compassion. Don't be angry at her for getting mad at you, be angry at the patriarchary, be angry at the government for allowing viagra to be covered by insurance, while birth control pills aren't, be angry at all the men everywhere in this world for hurt women, and be angry at all the injustices she faces on a daily basis because of her sex. But don't be mad at her, its not her fault, and if you direct your anger at the correct places, the ones who are holding her down as well instead of at her, you will in turn separate yourself from the ones abusing her and all the other men condoning it, and it will help move the fault away from you. In turn it will show her as woman, as well as all the women around her that you are actually on our team: Team Women. That you will stand next to us and fight alongside of us, instead of fighting against us or idly standing on the sideline being a passive observer and thus being part of the problem, not to mention getting in our way. Right now I feel personally attacked by every man on this planet, and I don't know who is my enemy and who will fight for me when the chips are down, which is sure as hell where the chips are currently at. I only see a few men standing up and until theres more I feel pretty confident saying that everyone else is my enemy.
I guess in the meantime I'm left to wonder where this leaves me in terms of my current and future relationships with men, and is it possible to have a healthy supportive functioning relationship when there is such a great imbalance of power? As of now, I currently think it isn't. We, both men and women, need to get to the route of the problem. I know women will fight for equality, but will men fight for women's equality?
