WHY I'M GLAD I NEVER BECAME AN EGG DONOR
When I was in college, myself and every other woman I know was so bombarded with egg donation ads that whenever we got into a financial talk we would all simultaneously joke about donating our eggs to get upwards of thousands of dollars. These ads told us that if donated our eggs we would not only help a couple achieve their dream of having a family, but could also make up to $25,000. Given that we all went to a very good college we would probably be able to make more than the $3-4,000 that a lot of women get. Aside from it being a running joke I never actually met a woman who had gone through with the procedure, until I was doing a promotional modeling event. One of the other girls was going through the procedure to help a couple she was friends with who couldn’t conceive. When she started telling me about the procedure, all the drugs she was being a given to go through this, and the fact that she wasn’t allowed to have sex with her boyfriend through this whole process which could be a few months because she had so many eggs being created she would definitely get pregnant, I began to really question this whole procedure. It sounded like too much for someone to go through to help someone else, and I worried about how those drugs might affect her body in the future.
The last few weeks I became almost insanely interested in
this topic again. I wasn’t sure if it was because lately I’ve been getting the
whole baby fever thing complete with people mistaking me for having children or
if it was something else. A lot of times when I’m drawn to something like what
has become a billion dollar fertility industry, it’s usually because the
universe wants me to help energetically correct whatever is going on there. In
this case I realized there were a lot of women who had gone through the
procedures of IVF, egg donation and/or surrogacy who were suffering because of
it, and a lot of the children who were the products of donor conception who
were not happy about all of this, and were not having their voices heard. Which
then led me to spend the last week being insanely angry about all of this,
until yesterday in which I realized I was actually channeling a lot of the
children whose voices weren’t being heard. During this time I did a lot of
research on it, and also did a lot of energetic work on the entire industry,
which should help it collapse very quickly. Everything that was created under
the Patriarchy was scheduled to collapse and be dismantled anyways, but there
were still a lot of entanglements with this one that needed some help. With
that being said, everything under this new energy including conception will be
very different than it’s been up to this point.
During this time I learned that there are some women who
have died as a result of the egg donation procedure, some women are now
infertile as a result of it, and that one of the drugs they like to use during
this procedure is Lupron. A drug that they tried to make me take when I was
very sick with endometriosis and I am vehemently against. It makes you go
through menopause, and when they bring you back from it a lot of the side
affects can be permanent. For instance permanent bone damage or even death. I’m
glad I never took it.
I don’t think anyone has a right to ask a woman to inject
herself with drugs that could potentially kill her or cause cancer in the near
future, all so that she can have a child for someone else, or even to go through
the procedure of IVF for herself. If there is even the slightest chance that it
could cause her to become sick, it shouldn’t be an option to begin with.
With that being
said, I also don’t for a second buy that the majority of women who have been diagnosed
as being infertile are in fact infertile. Western medicine loves to just
diagnosis people with things, and just because you can’t get pregnant right
away doesn’t mean you’re infertile. At the age of 23 they told me I would
probably never have children, because my reproductive system was so destroyed from
endometriosis. If there is one thing I have learned from my 7 year healing journey
since then, it’s that if you don’t like what someone tells you, find someone
else who will tell you what you want to hear. I’ve gone through a massive
healing journey since then and I feel confident that not only could I get
pregnant, but I also feel that as someone who is now a healer myself that I
could help other women get pregnant too.
I’m going to leave this post with three completely different
messages, those to women who might be thinking of becoming egg donors or surrogates, and to those women who have been diagnosed as being infertile.
To Women who might consider egg donation.
You’re probably in college, and think it’s a great idea, but
when you get to be older you might not think it is. If there is one thing I’ve
learned from all my healing work it’s that you can’t inject your body with
things that don’t belong there, and not have it result in a negative affect at
some point. It might not show up right away, but it will eventually. Is it
really worth it to you to risk possibly getting cancer, or becoming infertile
later on all so someone else can have a child? Then I would ask, why are you
doing this? Is it the money, which is super tempting, especially when you’re a
broke college student, and is probably why they target that age demographic. Or
is it because you want to help someone else or maybe both? I totally get it, because I’m a
super compassionate person. But did you ever think that maybe by you giving up
your eggs you might be depriving another woman of the chance to go through her
own healing process? In which she’ll go from being infertile to having a
healthy pregnancy and birth? As a healer I can tell you that pretty much every
woman can conceive, but a lot of women in our culture, their bodies need to be
detoxed from all the toxins that pollute our culture first, before they can
have a healthy pregnancy. We are also a country that looks for a quick fixes
instead of actually sitting down and addressing the problem and working through
it even if it might take a year or so of work. Because If she can’t get
pregnant naturally that means there’s possibly some serious underlying medical
issues, that if she addresses and heals from now, won’t end up potentially
being worse in the future. Are you also okay with that fact that these children
might come and find you at some point 20 years down the line, and if they had a
bad childhood might blame you for it? In addition to that how do you feel about
your own body? Do you genuinely believe you own your own body? Or do you think
that your body and everything in it only exists for the pleasure and purpose of
others? Are you okay with parting with some of your eggs which are your center of power? I think
it’s also important to consider that we don’t actually know what happens to all
of these eggs, it’s possible some might never be used for conception purposes,
but might actually end up in a lab somewhere for scientists to experiment with.
Lastly are you doing this for
yourself, or because you want approval, love, validation or a sense of worth
from someone else?
To Women who have been diagnosed as being infertile:
I honestly don’t believe for a second that the majority of
women who are having trouble conceiving are actually infertile. There can be a
million different reasons why a woman can’t get pregnant. I think western
medicine is incredibly problematic in that they don’t actually fix problems,
but rather offer solutions that usually lead to more problems. As a healer, if
a woman came to me wanting to get pregnant and couldn’t this is what I would
do. First I would do a massive detox on her body. I would have her cut out any
toxic foods, and I would definitely put her on a vegan/vegetarian diet at list
for a few months. I would have her cut out any products she uses that contain
parabens or dioxins. I would also have her see an acupuncturist or a Reiki
master for at least 6 months. I would then take her through a healing process
of healing her inner child as well as possibly past lives to see if there is
something that happened that is blocking her from becoming pregnant in this
current life. Then I would ask her two major questions which she probably would
not be happy about. First I would ask her if she really wants to have a child
with the man she is with. A lot of times women can’t get pregnant with the guy
they are with, not because he’s infertile but rather because he’s not the
correct guy for her. If they are trying to have a child for the wrong reasons
like to fix their marriage, or because she feels unloved then that could be a
lot of it. So I would also ask her do you really want a child? Or do you feel
you have to have one? I feel confident that any healer could help a woman
conceive as long as she’s willingly to do the necessary work and be 100 percent
committed to her journey.
I think the only exceptions to all of this would be women
who have already gone through menopause, have some super rare genetic issue
that makes it impossible for them to conceive or maybe women who no longer have
their womb. But even with the last one, I recently read an article about a
woman in Sweden who actually just got a womb transplant and wants to get pregnant,
so even that may not be as much of a barrier as we once thought it was. Most
importantly have hope. The entire medical industry told me I could never heal
from endometriosis, and I have proven them wrong, so I think anything is
possible. Also sit in meditation
and let the universe know you want to have a child and ask if there are any
children who want you to be their mom, and if there are they will contact you
and start guiding you in what you need to do to have a healthy enough body to
allow them to come through you.
To Women who are considering becoming surrogates:
After spending the last 2-3 weeks hanging out on an
energetic level with the children who are products of surrogacy, there are a number
of things you should consider before agreeing to this. First off, these
children are under the impression that you as the surrogate are going to be
their lifelong mom. Meaning that they are choosing to come through you, because
they believe you are the one who is going to raise them and care for them. They
are very confused and angry as to why they are being given away to be raised by
someone else. Even if the egg that
is being used to create them isn’t yours, they still are choosing YOU as their
mom. I imagine this is why a lot of these children who are grown now express
anger towards the surrogate and may even blame her for any problems they’ve
encountered in their life.
Surrogacy is similar to adoption in the sense that the baby
is taken away from it’s biological mom to be raised by people who didn’t create
it. This causes a break in energy. This break is very difficult to heal which
is why children who are adopted tend to have certain psychological and
emotional problems, even if the adoptive parents are wonderful and love that
child a lot. In the case of surrogacy you have someone who is choosing to
create a child who will never be their considered as their own, and they usually have children that
they consider to be their own. In adoption usually the birth mom, desperately
wants to keep the child but is unable to due to gender discrimination issues
like poverty. The children on a soul level in those cases always know that they
are extremely loved and wanted by their mom (and even that doesn't help to heal the pain of separation, but usually the child gets some relief when they someday see her and learn about the circumstances surrounding the adoption). In the case of surrogacy you are
bringing a child into the world with the mentality that you don’t want them, or
you have to emotionally disconnect from the situation in order to handle giving
that child up. This isn’t healthy for you or the baby, and they will have
problems as a result of it.
I understand that you as potential surrogate are probably a
really amazing kind human being, and want to help out someone in need, however,
sometimes we try to do the right thing and it backfires big time. This is one
of those cases. You were not put on this planet to provide anyone with children
other than yourself. You are not property, you are not only here to create and
bring forth children. You have a higher purpose. If you only see yourself in
the context of being a wife and mother, but can’t see yourself outside of
providing for or making others happy then I would suggest it’s time to
construct a much more diverse identity.
In some of these cases these children are being brought into
this world to be raised by Gay men, some of whom are doing this as single dads,
and some of whom are doing it in the context of a relationship. I spent some
time with those children, all of whom are in most cases are too young to express
how they feel about this, or find that when they express their views, unless
they’re 100 percent positive they are being silenced by the LGBT community. The
idea of a group of people bringing a child into this world knowing full well
that the child will never have a mom, is deeply saddening. Those children will
never experience what it’s like to be breastfeed, or to form that deep
connection that you can only get with a mom. These children are showing up to
me as being very energetically detached and emotionally scarred from this
experience, of not only being taken away from their biological mom, but then
being further deprived of a mother figure to step in and to help fulfill that
role as much as possible. I think these kids are going to have a lot of trouble
connecting with others throughout their lives, and it will most likely show up
as behavioral problems later on. It’s like they know something big is missing,
but they are too young to put their finger on it. When these kids are old
enough and angry enough to be heard, everyone will be very very aware of this
because they will express it non-stop.
If you want to help say a Gay man, become a dad, I would
suggest instead looking into other options that won’t hurt the child. For
instance sometimes Lesbian and Gay couples get together to have children, or I
remember reading a story in one of my Ladies magazines awhile back, about a
woman who wanted to be a mom, but couldn’t find the right man, so she decided
to have the child with her two best Gay male friends. There’s a lot of creative
ways to bring a child into the world that won’t deprive them of that connection
and bond that they need to form and have with their mom. In addition to that,
there’s a lot of ways to be a dad that don’t involve raising children. For
instance if one of my Gay male friends told me that he was feeling that
longing, I would ask him to really investigate it. I feel in a lot of cases
what’s happening is there’s a group of children who are reaching out to him on
an energetic level, for instance, it could be LGBT youths who are homeless or
runaways, and they are desperate to have him be a father figure to them. His
participation in their life may be the difference between them going to college
and being happy, versus committing suicide. I imagine that almost every Gay man
who is feeling a strong desire to play out the role of a father figure, is
feeling that from children who are already here who know he could play a huge
important positive role in their lives. I would suggest that those men first
look for children who are already here who want and/or need him to fulfill that
role, and see if he then himself feels fulfilled. Because I think he’ll find
that it not only fulfills him, but ends up being a lot more rewarding then
going through adoption or a surrogate. On a personal level, I really consider
all the girls on this planet my daughters, especially when I get really
involved in a certain group that is in a certain country. It does strongly
fulfill that desire to be a mom. In some cases it’s even better, because then
you get to be a mom to a bunch of children versus a few, who either really need
that, or want to have a second mom.
If you are still wondering which way to go, there was a
recent study that came out and said that children who are born to women in
prison do better and thrive more both as babies and as adults, if they are able to stay with their biological
mom, then if they are removed from her and placed into foster care, even if the
foster parents are amazing. Even being in prison is better for children, if it means they get to stay with their biological mom, then to not be in prison but to be with a stranger.
Lastly I wanted to leave everyone with links to stories from children who are now adults, but were donor conceived. These kids
are not happy about this, and they feel like science experiments. We as adults
absolutely must listen to them, and really question our own actions. I feel
like the fertility industry is playing with fire, and instead of empowering
women so they can become fertile themselves is looking to make a lot of money
off of women’s suffering. In the process it’s hurting healthy women who are
just trying to do the right thing by being egg donors or surrogates or are in desperate need of money and therefore can be easily exploited, as well as
creating children that are struggling because they don't know who they are, and in a lot of cases are taken away from the biological mom, and want to stay with her. They keep expressing how they feel like they were bought and sold. It's honestly very heartbreaking.
***I wanted to add that when I do energetic work on a group, the aspect of me that does it is 100 percent neutral. I had never thought about the fertility industry prior to a few weeks ago, and was being very strongly pulled into it, by children who are the products of it, and absolutely want to see it stopped. My planetary work always involves working with women and girls, and I found a huge sense of disempowerment and exploitation taking place within this industry towards the women who are egg donors, the women who are surrogates, and the women who have been told they are infertile by the medical community. I also was being reached out to by the daughters of Gay men who have been brought into this world via surrogacy. They seem to be more deeply affected by the loss of a mother, than the sons are, and are really angry about their biological mother being treated as basically a breeder and then being thrown away after she’s given birth to them. On a more personal note, that does sound like the way men always treat us, huh?
***I wanted to add that when I do energetic work on a group, the aspect of me that does it is 100 percent neutral. I had never thought about the fertility industry prior to a few weeks ago, and was being very strongly pulled into it, by children who are the products of it, and absolutely want to see it stopped. My planetary work always involves working with women and girls, and I found a huge sense of disempowerment and exploitation taking place within this industry towards the women who are egg donors, the women who are surrogates, and the women who have been told they are infertile by the medical community. I also was being reached out to by the daughters of Gay men who have been brought into this world via surrogacy. They seem to be more deeply affected by the loss of a mother, than the sons are, and are really angry about their biological mother being treated as basically a breeder and then being thrown away after she’s given birth to them. On a more personal note, that does sound like the way men always treat us, huh?
Links to read before considering Egg Donation, Surrogacy, or Using either of these to bring a child into this world:
http://www.whattoexpect.com/wom/family-life/0619/kids-born-via-surrogate-may-have-more-adjustment-problems-than-others.aspx
(this one has a video lecture that you should watch)
