WHAT HAPPENS WHEN AN ANGRY FEMINIST LIKES A FORMER NFL PLAYER?
This is an open letter to someone who is in my life. I tried to figure out to how to say this through text messaging, through a phone call, or in person and I realized that I seem to be able to express myself best through writing. So here we go.
Dear J.
I still remember the first time I met you. I had that feeling like I knew you, that sort of familiarity. For the longest time all I knew about you was that you were attractive and were super nice to my dog. Even going out of your way to give her extra attention, which meant a lot to me, because she was always terrified of going to the vet. Needless to say, that a man who spends all his time and energy helping animals is going to be someone who gets my attention. Then one day you briefly mentioned something about football. I think it was a few years after the first time I met you. As I rode home in the car with my mom and dog we both wondered if you had meant that you had played in the NFL. So of course we googled you.
Being someone who has never seen an entire football game, I'm not someone who would have ever thought that you might've been a former NFL player. I was surprised, a little bit in awe, which was quickly followed by a sinking feeling in my heart. Most of what I know about the NFL is through their rampant promotion of athletes who commit violent acts against women. Their refusal to take any of this seriously, and the silence of the players who willingly play alongside their teammates who are being accused of rape or domestic violence. The players don't ever speak out against their violent teammates. By not speaking out you are saying that you agree with it. I think that any man who did speak out probably would be kicked out of the NFL not too long after. Maybe fans would turn against him for violating the "bro code" and maybe he would lose everything. But their comes a point in which you as a man can either choose to be silent, complacent, and enable the victimization of 3.5 billion people, or in which you choose to say something and to fight, regardless of what may happen to you as a result. A man who is a good person and doesn't say anything is living a lie, and what could be worse than being inauthentic with yourself?
I've spent almost every single second of my life being tested in that regard, and I can't even describe how many times I've stood up and fought only to lose everything, and have everyone turn against me. In which I've suffered even more then because I've chosen to fight. If I had been a player in the NFL there is no way I wouldn't have stood up and fought and I'm sure it would've cost me everything, but at least I would've been true to myself. I know you're an amazing person and I have so much respect for the work you do helping save countless animals, but there comes a point when you have to take a much larger stand. I can only hope that you do.
This is something that you don't know about me. A number of years ago I looked into being a Raiderette. I was excited about the idea of using my dance background and getting to perform for a large audience. That was until I calculated how much money I would make. Despite the fact it is very much a part-time almost full-time job, I realized I would only be making about $1.50 an hour, if that. It was basically a glorified volunteer position. I did briefly consider going through with the audition just so that I could then sue the shit out of them, but ultimately I decided not to. It shows though the different worlds you and I are from. Did you know an NFL mascot can make up to $65,000 a year? I'm assuming it's because they are probably all men. Yet, I would've been treated as nothing. The way the NFL throws away women is really just a reflection of the way our society treats women. From my perspective it's horrifying, however from yours you have the luxury of benefitting from it and choosing not to say anything. I on the other hand have to live with the consequence of those choices everyday.
What I do know is that when I think of you being in the NFL I feel silenced. I feel like I'm expected to be okay with you being part of an organization which is so anti-women. It goes against everything that I've decided to devote my life to; the empowerment of women and girls. Maybe this come down to me being tested once again. I can't even describe how many times you've brightened up my day by something you said to me, and I don't want to lose you, but I'm not okay with any of this. More importantly I'm not okay with being silenced or feeling silenced.
I guess it boils down to one question which will really determine if what we have goes anywhere or just fizzles away: Whose team are you on? Because from where I sit I'm not sure, and it doesn't feel good. If you are on my team then you need to make that very clear not just to me, but to everyone, and it starts with speaking up and speaking out regardless of what may happen. If you say something I don't know how people will respond, but I can tell you that I'll support you.
~ Courtney
Dear J.
I still remember the first time I met you. I had that feeling like I knew you, that sort of familiarity. For the longest time all I knew about you was that you were attractive and were super nice to my dog. Even going out of your way to give her extra attention, which meant a lot to me, because she was always terrified of going to the vet. Needless to say, that a man who spends all his time and energy helping animals is going to be someone who gets my attention. Then one day you briefly mentioned something about football. I think it was a few years after the first time I met you. As I rode home in the car with my mom and dog we both wondered if you had meant that you had played in the NFL. So of course we googled you.
Being someone who has never seen an entire football game, I'm not someone who would have ever thought that you might've been a former NFL player. I was surprised, a little bit in awe, which was quickly followed by a sinking feeling in my heart. Most of what I know about the NFL is through their rampant promotion of athletes who commit violent acts against women. Their refusal to take any of this seriously, and the silence of the players who willingly play alongside their teammates who are being accused of rape or domestic violence. The players don't ever speak out against their violent teammates. By not speaking out you are saying that you agree with it. I think that any man who did speak out probably would be kicked out of the NFL not too long after. Maybe fans would turn against him for violating the "bro code" and maybe he would lose everything. But their comes a point in which you as a man can either choose to be silent, complacent, and enable the victimization of 3.5 billion people, or in which you choose to say something and to fight, regardless of what may happen to you as a result. A man who is a good person and doesn't say anything is living a lie, and what could be worse than being inauthentic with yourself?
I've spent almost every single second of my life being tested in that regard, and I can't even describe how many times I've stood up and fought only to lose everything, and have everyone turn against me. In which I've suffered even more then because I've chosen to fight. If I had been a player in the NFL there is no way I wouldn't have stood up and fought and I'm sure it would've cost me everything, but at least I would've been true to myself. I know you're an amazing person and I have so much respect for the work you do helping save countless animals, but there comes a point when you have to take a much larger stand. I can only hope that you do.
This is something that you don't know about me. A number of years ago I looked into being a Raiderette. I was excited about the idea of using my dance background and getting to perform for a large audience. That was until I calculated how much money I would make. Despite the fact it is very much a part-time almost full-time job, I realized I would only be making about $1.50 an hour, if that. It was basically a glorified volunteer position. I did briefly consider going through with the audition just so that I could then sue the shit out of them, but ultimately I decided not to. It shows though the different worlds you and I are from. Did you know an NFL mascot can make up to $65,000 a year? I'm assuming it's because they are probably all men. Yet, I would've been treated as nothing. The way the NFL throws away women is really just a reflection of the way our society treats women. From my perspective it's horrifying, however from yours you have the luxury of benefitting from it and choosing not to say anything. I on the other hand have to live with the consequence of those choices everyday.
What I do know is that when I think of you being in the NFL I feel silenced. I feel like I'm expected to be okay with you being part of an organization which is so anti-women. It goes against everything that I've decided to devote my life to; the empowerment of women and girls. Maybe this come down to me being tested once again. I can't even describe how many times you've brightened up my day by something you said to me, and I don't want to lose you, but I'm not okay with any of this. More importantly I'm not okay with being silenced or feeling silenced.
I guess it boils down to one question which will really determine if what we have goes anywhere or just fizzles away: Whose team are you on? Because from where I sit I'm not sure, and it doesn't feel good. If you are on my team then you need to make that very clear not just to me, but to everyone, and it starts with speaking up and speaking out regardless of what may happen. If you say something I don't know how people will respond, but I can tell you that I'll support you.
~ Courtney
