What am I, Saint buffy?
I recently found out that my imaginary celebrity boyfriend who I am secretly mind dating, just got engaged to his longtime girlfriend. Of course I went through grief, and some sadness that I would now have to find a new man to daydream about. This was all until this last week, when he made the announcement that him and his now fiance would in fact not be getting married until after gay marriage was legalized.
Now, let me say, I one hundred percent support gay marriage, and I have said things like that before too, that I would wait until everyone can get married, partly because having my gay friends at my wedding would make me feel like a selfish evil bitch. The last thing I would need is to get drunk and than end up crying about how much the world sucks and people are ignorant, which would probably happen even if gay marriage was legal at the time.
With that being said, I in no way would get engaged to someone if they hadn't discussed this with me prior to the engagement, and it wouldn't even make sense to get engaged than until after gay marriage was legalized. In other words, its obviously just an excuse to not get married, and a shitty one at that. The thing that drives most girls completely insane about guys is how they have this amazing ability to string us along, and feed us lines about how much they love us, all while sleeping with some random girl on the side whom they are also telling the same lies too. I've had multiple exes who were too scared to even use the terms boyfriend/girlfriend despite the fact that we obviously were. To clarify that I was in fact right, I did what most people would do when they find out that their celebrity boyfriend is saying that he is waiting until marriage is legal for everyone to get married, I went to the blog world. All the girls cussed him out, and actually some of the guys did too. Everyone agreed it was "just an excuse" and most guys agreed it was "the best excuse ever." Not to mention that I also just learned that he had previously been married. Seriously?
What is most upsetting about this, is that even my imaginary celebrity boyfriend has turned out to be a complete douchebag. Its sad especially for us as women, because its like who the hell are we supposed to date? Even the men who are respectful towards women, seem to be too scared to make a commitment of any sort, and thus end up stringing us along, playing with our hearts, and destroying a lot of us. One of my favorite authors/rockstar/fellow witch, Fiona Horne, made a statement in her book How to bewitch a man. She stated that "most women lose their power by being unhappy in love." I couldn't agree with this more. But unfortunately even the "nice guys" haven't seemed to evolve enough to fulfill us, or the ones who have are so scarce that as women, we're left with either the option of fighting over them, lowering our standards and being unhappy, or just being single. I am happiest when I'm single, but I would love to find someone who I could share my happiness with. Who had evolved to the point of knowing that their job as the man is to support, celebrate and love me unconditionally.
Throughout this whole dating journey, I feel as though I've spent most of it lowering my standards. Falling into these ingrained ideas, that the scruffy guy I met, just needs love, and that my job as a woman is to provide him with that. Unconditional love, irregardless of the fact that in order to date him, I had to lower myself.
This never makes anyone happy, especially me and as a woman I know that most of us do this. Mostly because if we don't we're accused of being "bitches" like that's a bad thing, or being too picky. We're constantly being haunted by this overarching fear that a guy who will make us happy, support us, and goes to the gym to look good for us, doesn't exist, so that we should just settle. Just throw in the towel, and marry someone, god forbid any of us end up alone. Even if we aren't happy with the guy, its somehow been brainwashed into us that its better to be with him than to be alone.
Having high standards is a good thing. Its not even that women are being unreasonable, its just that men haven't really involved at all since the 1950s and women have come leaps and bounds and are still breaking barriers everyday in every part of the world. Men are still within this idea that we need them either for survival, or for financial reasons which in most of the progressive countries we don't need them for either. They as a collective haven't realized that we don't "need" them anymore, at least not to be able to have food, and a roof over our heads. They haven't spent time evolving, and working on how they as a collective can adjust to the place where women are currently at. To push themselves, to be a group that maybe we aren't dependent on, but we certainly want in our lives, because its more desirable to have them there, than it is to not have them around at all.
When I say they, I mean the vast majority, individually there are men who have evolved to that place, the problem is that if as women we keep lowering our standards, we're not only punishing ourselves, we're encouraging men to not rise up to the standard that we know they are capable of. While keeping the men who are kind hearted and supportive from ever even getting a chance to be with us. If you keep your standards high, rather than lower them just to have a guy, at some point in your life you'll meet someone who is at those standards, or who will work their ass of to get there, because they want to be with you that badly. At least that's the new plan that I'm going with.
Unfortunately as women, largely through the media we've also been brainwashed with these images of beautiful women, and frumpy men that that is the norm. To which I always want to slap the frumpy guy and tell him to get to the gym and give himself a makeover and than come talk to me. I work hard to be beautiful not only on the outside, but inside as well, you have no excuse to not do the same, except that prior to recently, women had no rights, so you had no reason to evolve and certainly settling doesn't help anyone, it doesn't help the guy evolve and it definitely hasn't helped me find "the one".
Now, let me say, I one hundred percent support gay marriage, and I have said things like that before too, that I would wait until everyone can get married, partly because having my gay friends at my wedding would make me feel like a selfish evil bitch. The last thing I would need is to get drunk and than end up crying about how much the world sucks and people are ignorant, which would probably happen even if gay marriage was legal at the time.
With that being said, I in no way would get engaged to someone if they hadn't discussed this with me prior to the engagement, and it wouldn't even make sense to get engaged than until after gay marriage was legalized. In other words, its obviously just an excuse to not get married, and a shitty one at that. The thing that drives most girls completely insane about guys is how they have this amazing ability to string us along, and feed us lines about how much they love us, all while sleeping with some random girl on the side whom they are also telling the same lies too. I've had multiple exes who were too scared to even use the terms boyfriend/girlfriend despite the fact that we obviously were. To clarify that I was in fact right, I did what most people would do when they find out that their celebrity boyfriend is saying that he is waiting until marriage is legal for everyone to get married, I went to the blog world. All the girls cussed him out, and actually some of the guys did too. Everyone agreed it was "just an excuse" and most guys agreed it was "the best excuse ever." Not to mention that I also just learned that he had previously been married. Seriously?
What is most upsetting about this, is that even my imaginary celebrity boyfriend has turned out to be a complete douchebag. Its sad especially for us as women, because its like who the hell are we supposed to date? Even the men who are respectful towards women, seem to be too scared to make a commitment of any sort, and thus end up stringing us along, playing with our hearts, and destroying a lot of us. One of my favorite authors/rockstar/fellow witch, Fiona Horne, made a statement in her book How to bewitch a man. She stated that "most women lose their power by being unhappy in love." I couldn't agree with this more. But unfortunately even the "nice guys" haven't seemed to evolve enough to fulfill us, or the ones who have are so scarce that as women, we're left with either the option of fighting over them, lowering our standards and being unhappy, or just being single. I am happiest when I'm single, but I would love to find someone who I could share my happiness with. Who had evolved to the point of knowing that their job as the man is to support, celebrate and love me unconditionally.
Throughout this whole dating journey, I feel as though I've spent most of it lowering my standards. Falling into these ingrained ideas, that the scruffy guy I met, just needs love, and that my job as a woman is to provide him with that. Unconditional love, irregardless of the fact that in order to date him, I had to lower myself.
This never makes anyone happy, especially me and as a woman I know that most of us do this. Mostly because if we don't we're accused of being "bitches" like that's a bad thing, or being too picky. We're constantly being haunted by this overarching fear that a guy who will make us happy, support us, and goes to the gym to look good for us, doesn't exist, so that we should just settle. Just throw in the towel, and marry someone, god forbid any of us end up alone. Even if we aren't happy with the guy, its somehow been brainwashed into us that its better to be with him than to be alone.
Having high standards is a good thing. Its not even that women are being unreasonable, its just that men haven't really involved at all since the 1950s and women have come leaps and bounds and are still breaking barriers everyday in every part of the world. Men are still within this idea that we need them either for survival, or for financial reasons which in most of the progressive countries we don't need them for either. They as a collective haven't realized that we don't "need" them anymore, at least not to be able to have food, and a roof over our heads. They haven't spent time evolving, and working on how they as a collective can adjust to the place where women are currently at. To push themselves, to be a group that maybe we aren't dependent on, but we certainly want in our lives, because its more desirable to have them there, than it is to not have them around at all.
When I say they, I mean the vast majority, individually there are men who have evolved to that place, the problem is that if as women we keep lowering our standards, we're not only punishing ourselves, we're encouraging men to not rise up to the standard that we know they are capable of. While keeping the men who are kind hearted and supportive from ever even getting a chance to be with us. If you keep your standards high, rather than lower them just to have a guy, at some point in your life you'll meet someone who is at those standards, or who will work their ass of to get there, because they want to be with you that badly. At least that's the new plan that I'm going with.
Unfortunately as women, largely through the media we've also been brainwashed with these images of beautiful women, and frumpy men that that is the norm. To which I always want to slap the frumpy guy and tell him to get to the gym and give himself a makeover and than come talk to me. I work hard to be beautiful not only on the outside, but inside as well, you have no excuse to not do the same, except that prior to recently, women had no rights, so you had no reason to evolve and certainly settling doesn't help anyone, it doesn't help the guy evolve and it definitely hasn't helped me find "the one".
